How to Heal a Broken Heart

Anything is Possible!

How to heal from a broken heart

This is exactly what I learned to do after my divorce. It took time. There was all that grief to work through, a codependent relapse or two, and a great deal of questioning.

But in time, I found me again. I put my love into the constants that had always been there for me: God, dogs, nature, painting, writing, singing, swimming, and family. I explored new interests like drumming, improvisational dance, and kayaking. I bought myself flowers and encouraging cards. Slowly but surely, I healed. In some ways, the healing was like coming home. In other ways, it was like a mid-life adolescence but with a little more wisdom and growing self-love.

What are the constants in your life that can support you through hard times?

What else can help heal a broken heart?

back cover painting (2) My back cover painting for Trust the Timing

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Honoring the Gift of Art

 

Healing

Let Healing Flow, by JoAnne Silvia

Wondering what to do with this blog, since I have another one that takes priority, I was thinking of dropping this one. But then the idea came to me to use this as a place to honor my visual art.

The painting above reminds me of a difficult time of my life and the gift of art as therapy. Things are so much better now. Healing flows when I return to the gifts of art, animals, and nature, my first loves.

I’m not sure what will develop here, but maybe I don’t need to worry about it. Maybe I can just let it happen. That would be different. And wonderful!

What are your healing gifts?

The hardest person for me to forgive is me.

 

green, rock and feather (2)

It’s been 15 years since my sin of omission. During the rebound from hell, I wasn’t myself. I should never have been in that unhealthy relationship right after the divorce. I fell into a pit of codependence- deeper that I would have imagined possible for the strong, intelligent woman I once was.

During that year, I neglected my children. Not in the legal sense. Their basic needs were met. They were physically safe. But I should have spent more time with them instead of groping for the false sense of worth that ended up in loss of self. The sin of omission was not against my children, but against someone I never met. I did not speak up about an injustice. Granted, making things right was a long shot. I didn’t witness the injustice, and I didn’t know names. It was something I heard about that happened hundreds of miles away. I would have had to investigate. I would have had to be sneaky in asking questions. I would have jeopardized the relationship that I should not have been in in the first place. If he realized what I was trying to do, he’d be mad at me. And I knew in my gut that he and his friends were not safe. Later, I told him that knowing what had happened bothered me. The relationship ended soon after that.

God forgives people for way worse things than my sin of omission. Everything I have learned tells me that God forgives me. Why is it so hard for me to forgive myself? I’ll tell you why. Because I’m supposed to be better than that. I’m supposed to be stronger than that deer in the headlights who didn’t ask questions.

I am much stronger now. Today, I would ask questions like an undercover detective. But I wasn’t strong 15 years ago. It’s a fact that I have to accept. I was wounded, weak, and afraid – a secret train wreck.

Perhaps I can have compassion for that deer in the headlights. Compassion feels closer  than forgiveness. I have compassion for the moths that I trap in my bathroom and release outside. Why not for myself?

I’ll start with compassion. Compassion for all. Including me.

This long process of forgiveness was inched forward by this  Rumi poem I found when I was ready at https://maverickmist.com/2017/05/06/be-earth/

How should Spring bring forth a garden on hard stone?
Become earth, that you may grow flowers of many colors.
For you have been heart-breaking rock.
Once, for the sake of experiment, be earth!
Rumi

Impenetrable

iron-fence

There was a time I wished to be impenetrable. I had opened myself too wide, become too vulnerable to the wrong person and never wanted to let that happen again. Fear kept my fences up and well-guarded.

Years went by, and I became accustomed to the loneliness. At least I was safe. I had my friends, my dogs, and I finally loved myself. That should be enough, I thought.

But when I had learned the lessons I needed to learn, a long lost love came knocking at my gate. Would I have the courage to let him in? Was he worth the risk?

This is the song I sang to myself during our second courtship.

 

Telling the larger story is my work in progress.

This post is inspired by the prompt: “impenetrable” provided by “Blog Woman”

And brought to us by Shanjeniah, for Linda Hill’s Just Jot It January series, which can be found at:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/16/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-16th17/

just-jot-january

The rules for Just Jot It January are as follows:

1. It’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!

2. The prompts will be posted every day at 2am my time (GMT -5). You don’t have to follow the prompt word, but this will be where you leave your link for others to see. Make sure you link your post to the correct day’s prompt. There will be a post like this every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday, and Saturday, when you’ll find the prompt on my usual Friday Reminder post for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS).

3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will be at the top.

4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.

5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!

6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of the day. You can link any kind of jot back here. Even your shopping list. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link.

7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge (above) in your post so that others can find your post more easily.

8. Have fun!

If you’d like to look ahead to see the upcoming prompt words, click this link: https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/31/just-jot-it-january-2017-rules/ You can always write your post ahead of time and schedule it to come out on the appropriate day.

Letting Go of Resentment, Making Room for Love

rocks

 

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Carrie Fisher

 

It was easier to be angry

For the pretend power.

I would harden my heart

And never be hurt again.

Funny thing is,

I did get hurt again.

Anger covered up the pain

I kept trying to push away.

Anger grew and solidified

Into a boulder of resentment

So slippery, nothing could stick to it.

So big, no one could get passed it.

Not even me.

Until, I started to find me again,

And I started to like me again.

And then, I started to love me again.

And I prayed

For the willingness

To consider

That thing I couldn’t bring myself to say.

The F word.

Not just for those who hurt me,

But for me, too.

And willingness came

And blew away the dust and debris

Allowing the wind and the rain and the sun

To flow into the cracks

And work magic.

With time,

The boulder began to break apart

Opening a path for love

To make room

For something so much better.

 

One-Liner Wednesday: Electricity

Just because we lose electricity, doesn’t mean we lose power.

heart-in-darkness

(I’m working on a poem about this on my other blog: “Anything is Possible.”)

One-Liner Wednesday came to power through Linda Hill. Visit her at: https://lindaghill.com/2016/10/05/one-liner-wednesday-the-temptation-of-a-masochist/

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

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Ten Empowering Thoughts to Hold Onto When It’s All Falling Apart

Ten Empowering Thoughts to Hold Onto When It’s All Falling Apart

If I’d read this 15 years ago, I would have printed it and put it on my bathroom mirror.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

1 – You only know what you have experienced. So when today is worse than yesterday, that’s what you see. But today is not prophetic about tomorrow. Replace, “Life sucks,” with “Life sucks right now.” Maybe the best is yet to come.

2 – Losing everything is excruciating. And it’s also freeing. It’s a special place where you have nothing left to lose, nothing more to fear. The worst has happened and you’re still breathing. That’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?

3 – You’re wiser now. More attuned to others and more in tune with yourself. That’s a gift to be grateful for.

4 – Every change is challenging at first. You’re learning. Adapting. Growing stronger. You won’t be the same person you were before. You’ll be better.

5 – A book without plot twists becomes quite boring and predictable. The same can be said for life. Think of the stories you…

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