I’ve been posting a lot on “Anything is Possible” but realized it’s time to get back to “Loving Me, Too.”
Here’s something that’s been waiting patiently in the wings:
asked these questions which I felt compelled to respond to. I’ve done so in a stream of consciousness style with just a little editing. The questions were great prompts for helping me take a look at my life.
What is preventing me from living a larger and more loving life?
There’s this thing called time. It goes faster and faster each year. You’d think I would have more of it now that I’m “retired,” but there is so much I want to do. Get to the question. It’s not just time, it’s fear, too. I need to look at each activity and evaluate it’s value. Some things have to be done. A related question is: What would living a larger, more loving life look like?
In what way am I not living in what remains of my life, as authentically as possible?
I seem to be outgrowing some people and activities that have been obligations for many years. I’m just starting to step back from those and stepping into more creative activities with more creative people, like my volunteer work on the Forest of Dreams mural and rock painting. I used to want to take up rock climbing. Now, I’m taking up rock painting. I want to do more of that and more work in and with nature.
In what way do I collude in oppressing my own self? Especially as we know that time is no longer infinite as we thought it was.
I have this sense of obligation, a historically over-developed sense of responsibility. My “good girl” is firmly entrenched in my personality. She has served me well in some ways, but she has held me back, too. I don’t want to be a bad girl, I just want to be more, me. I want to continue to grow spiritually and mentally in ways that don’t feel like “busy work.” I don’t want to be on a committee. I want to help children learn to read, and I want to paint more and swim more and take more walks in the woods. I want to make time for these things. I will stop colluding in my own oppression by taking my time in responding to requests to engage in activities that don’t feel like me. I will ask myself, is this how I want to spend my time? Is this the best use of my skills and talents? God gave me the talents of drawing and painting, but I did not value them much in the past. God gave me patience. I want to use that patience with children and animals.
So, now, I need to ask myself: What am I going to do about it?
Just answering these questions over a month ago has made a difference. I’m painting more and I’m not on any committees. Lot’s of ideas and possibilities in the works!
Here’s one of my recent paintings on a piece of scrap wood. I had called her “Umbrella Angel.” But someone pointed out the whale’s tail. So she’s my first whale’s tail angel.